Feel free to skip past my little story here & scroll down to the section with my best "self-help" resources!
"When the other children are told to go put their coats on for recess, Allison stands at her cubby with her arms out and waits for one of us to put her coat on. We've seen her put her coat and boots on by herself before, she just really prefers not to do it herself."
I think every parent has that one story about their child that they think fully encapsulates the exact moment they realized who their child would be. A personality shot, of sorts. "We knew from a young age that ____ was going to be a star athlete. She ran a 5k with her mother for FUN because she didn't want to be in the stroller!" that kind of story. Mine is still, to this day, the story of when my preschool teacher called my parents to tell them that I wait for everything to be done for me rather than do it myself. That story, & the story about my Great Aunt dangling diamonds above my little baby face like a nursery mobile and going "shiny, shiny, shiny" to get me to stop crying. To this day, if there's one thing that's going to get me to stop crying, it's bribing me with clothes and/or jewelry. Shiny, shiny, shiny, bitches. Shiny shiny.
LOLLLLL THOUGHHHH IF THAT FIRST STORY DON'T RING TRUE 20 YEARS LATER. OUCH. For the purpose of this post, however, I want to give you a brief history on why I one day decided I was going to do EVERYTHING for myself, and why the best choice I ever made was to let go of that stubbornness & ask for help again.
As many of you know, I was very, very sick with bulimia throughout the majority of high school and into college. I still remember the feeling of absolute panic the first time my doctor told me "Your parents can't do this for you. Your parents can force you to eat and stand in the bathroom with you, but they cannot make you recover. If you don't recover, you're going to die." Hell of an option for me lol - "figure it the fuck out or byeeeeeee hunny!" I had spent my entire life up to that point being pushed to do everything I did whether it was sports, dance, academics, cleaning my room - I wasn't self-motivated because I never had to be. It wasn't until I was literally told "Do this or die" that I realized I had to start taking some responsibility for myself and my actions.
For whatever reason, I started looking at getting help, having someone assist me, saying "I can't do this myself" as a weakness. I'd like to make it very clear that without the help of my doctors, friends, family, Rob, support groups, etc. etc., I absolutely would not have recovered, but I still saw every time I needed my mom to stand in the bathroom with me and every time I relapsed in college and needed Rob's help as a failure on my part. I convinced myself that I *should* be able to do everything for myself and if I couldn't, I wasn't trying hard enough & that was reason to be ashamed of myself.
I'm sure to some extent you've all experienced that horrible feeling that your best isn't good enough or that you're incapable of reaching your full potential. It sucks. I don't know why or how it became a commonly held belief that you have to be "self-made" and "strong" and you have to struggle to achieve success - it's not only a false sentiment, it's damaging & sets us back further from our goals every time we "fail."
I shunned help for as long as I can remember. I was embarrassed to take anxiety meds, I was embarrassed to go to office hours, I was embarrassed to say "I don't understand this," I was embarrassed to ask for fitness and nutrition advice, beauty advice, style advice, life advice - you name it. It wasn't really until recently that I told myself I needed to seek advice from those who are more knowledgable than I am in a given subject if I ever wanted to better myself. I spent 2 hours a day, 5 days a week at the gym when I was in college and still wasn't seeing the results I wanted - I did that for almost 5 years until I realized "I should probably consider a different fitness routine, huh?" THAT is the level of stubborn we are working with here.
My life has improved immeasurably since I made the decision to seek the help of experts and people I admire as opposed to just waking up every morning and winging life by myself. When I was really sick, I didn't know what a BMR was. Whenever I found out from a medical professional that your body burns calories just being alive...like, are you fucking kidding me? I've spent the past year of what I thought was RECOVERY making sure I burn just as many calories a day as I eat & I'm just NOW learning that my stupid body burns calories while I'm laying on the floor moaning? And that I'm destroying my metabolism by putting my body into starvation mode? This is why I have that bald spot? Game changer. Those are the kind of discoveries you make when you realize you don't have all the answers & there's no reason to be ashamed by that.
These resources have helped me SO much. Mentally, physically, and emotionally I feel like an entirely different person than when I was so desperate to do everything independently. I'm no longer ashamed that I need help to reach my full potential & I'm definitely not ashamed that sometimes I'm still incapable of putting on a jacket or taking off my thigh-high boots for myself (Sorry, Rob. Maybe that aforementioned preschool story still holds some merit. Would definitely rather someone help me).
*Helpful Resources for Working Towards your Full Potential*
(This is a living document! I'll update this or make new posts as I find more that I love!)
FITNESS
While you technically *can* do all of the research for yourself - it's exhausting, time consuming, and you'll quickly learn that there is a reason people have advanced degrees and certifications in this. Suck it up and pay people for their expertise. You'll never regret doing it. I do, however, regret the hours I wasted on the elliptical from ages 15 - 21.
BBG by Kayla Itsines : I originally started with the PDF that is ever-circulating through the inboxes of every woman I've ever met between the ages of 18 and 30. I didn't *love* the results the first time around (definitely got results but they weren't *quite* what I wanted my body to look like), but now that I've started supplementing in weight training and alternative cardio (I prefer the Sweat App to the PDF!) I feel like I get so much more out of my workouts and I'm able to add in exercises to specifically target muscles areas that I'm concerned about. That's the long way of saying "my quads got too jacked and my arms still looked bulky the first time, so I started adding in more butt exercises, cardio, and lifting again."
ClassPass: One of my best friends told me about this & I was super hesitant at first. I didn't like the idea of group fitness, always assumed I would be the least in shape in the class, and SURPRISE - figured I could get a better workout in myself. The first time I came stumbling out of Barry's like I had just been hit by a truck, I realized I couldn't have been more wrong. I cannot BELIEVE I legitimately thought that I would get better results (when I wasn't getting them despite this theory being put into practice) by myself than with a trainer. I'm going to make a full post on class pass and my favorite classes I've taken here in Boston but my point here is that even if you think you'll hate group classes - try one! Get your ass kicked & take comfort in the fact that no one would be in that class if they thought it was easy and pointless.
Hal Higdon Training Programs: I used to be horrible at running - I run like a little baby gazelle & that tired me out even more quickly than the mere fact that I had no mental or physical stamina to begin with. There are a ton of different programs ranging from beginner 5k to advanced marathon runner & having the guidance makes ALL the difference. For me personally I found that one my my biggest problems running (besides my pathetic gait) was convincing myself during my run that I couldn't keep going - as much as it was an asthma thing at times, and an out of shape thing at times, it was VERY much a mental game for me. I haven't been running much lately (I've been big into sprinting sets and the stair master) but I want to be able to run a 5k without dying around Thanksgiving so I'm going to get back to this probably next week!
Want to try: Personal trainer (I am TERRIFIED to do this), Precision Running Lab, Emily Jackson's Running Guide, Tone It Up.
NUTRITION
Again, can definitely do the research for yourself but its so much easier to just have a guide and know what you're doing is effective. Figure out what works best for you! No matter what meal plan/prep system I do I ALWAYS have to make substitutions (I am allergic to nuts, gluten, and shellfish lol) but as long as I'm staying inspired, motivated, hitting my ideal macros, and have a guideline to stick to, I feel SO much better. It stresses me out having to scramble to find something healthy when I'm running low on groceries & the stress/those gross meals that I throw together just to hit my numbers usually lead me to eating like, an entire pizza and then some on Friday night because I've felt deprived. When I'm consistently eating good food, not feeling deprived, and enjoying the process, I'm a million times less likely to treat food like a reward or a "cheat meal." That keeps me in a good place mentally & I'm way less likely to slip into bad habits.
Clean Simple Eats and Fitness Carli: I found these meal plans from my favorite blogger, Rachel Parcell, and I love them! The recipes are great, easy to use substitutes in without throwing you off, and both come with grocery lists which makes everything so much easier. All about easy and effective, people.
Want to try: Love, Sweat, Fitness Hot Body Meal Plan
BLOGGERS
I put "bloggers" as opposed to subsections for beauty, style, lifestyle, etc. etc. because I think we all have different tastes and aesthetics and its better to take the time to curate your own collection of inspo rather than just go for mine! My inability to pull off/look good in any Kardashian trend doesn't take away from the fact that they're great at makeup and style, just not for me! Definitely encourage you to take the time and find a couple favorite bloggers that keep you inspired!
Rachel Parcell, Pink Peonies. I want to be her when I grow up.
Amber Fillerup Clark, Barefoot Blonde.
Christine Andrew, HelloFashion.
Blair Eadie, Atlantic - Pacific
Sophie Milner, Fashion Slave
Miscellaneous Self-Help
Manifestation Babe: I could and will write a full post on how this has helped me SO much lately, but for those of you unfamiliar with manifestation (and yes, this is like, "jade egg/meditating/woo-woo/hippie shit toned down and made attainable) it has helped with my anxiety, my outlook on life, my ability to stay positive, my relationships, literally everything. I would've NEVER thought I'd be the type to be meditating and writing affirmations but turns out people are on to something with that. She has a couple books, a website, and an awesome podcast I'd recommend checking out! Stay open to it!
You Are a Bad Ass by Jen Sincero: You might already know about this book, maybe you've read it, maybe you haven't, but absolutely love it ( I still need to give my friend back her copy of it, yikes). It totally changes your perception of yourself/your potential and is a super quick read. She has a great writing tone that doesn't come off as preachy & really makes you feel like an idiot for ever having a negative outlook on life.
The Makeup of a Confident Woman by Trish McAvoy: I love this book because it really hones in on the point that putting your best face forward isn't about having the time, its about making the time. I think a lot of us allow ourselves to go out into the world feeling less confident than we could simply because we think we "don't have the time" to look and feel our best OR carry around the false notion that putting time into your appearance is frivolous. If hair, makeup, that jazz isn't for you - totally understand! If, however, you do love that stuff but save it for special occasions or haven't been making the time for it, this book really helps!
These are some of my favorite resources right now, I'd love to hear of any you have! I feel like they've helped me get a better grip on my adult life and really feel like I have support to fall back on. I don't know about you guys, but I very easily can get caught up in negativity - whether its from my peers, social media, my coworkers, whomever, and its great to remind myself that negativity isn't a helpful crutch and that there are better options out there! I hope this post encouraged you to take advantage of the millions of awesome resources that are out there and can help you achieve your goals!
